PTSD

You are the enemy I fight every single day,

You are constantly there,

I do my best to keep you at bay,

I do not know when you are going to rear your ugly head,

I do not know what will happen

During the day to cause me to flashbacks and nightmares,

I do not know when I will be triggered

And get into fight or flight,

All I know is that there are times when I am afraid,

There are times when I cannot stand noise,

There are certain smells,

There are times when I cannot stand being around people.

There are certain places that I avoid,

There are times when I am constantly looking over my shoulder,

There are times when I am afraid that something will happen to me,

There are times when I get triggered that the

Images replay over and over again,

Cannot relax,

Afraid,

There are times when I cannot sleep and

I toss and turn

I finally get to sleep I wake up crying,

My palms are sweaty,

My body is shaking,

My shoulders are tight,

My knee is hurting,

My ankle is hurting,

The nightmares that I had felt like they are raping me again,

I leave me body,

I am not breathing any more,

I hear what they said to me,

Hear what the police officer said to me,

Hear what chain of command said to me,

Keep replaying over and over again

What he said in email and how they did nothing to him

Try to tell myself that I am safe,

Try to do deep breathing

But when I breathe deeply

Start crying more and more.

#PTSD #MST #truestory #speakyourtruth #writetoheal #peacefulwarrior #thebouldersinmylifethatshapedmyjourney #feeltoheal