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Shine Your Light

In life there are many things that Need light shined on them. In my darkness you shine your light, In my pain you shine your light, When my grief comes to the forefront You shine your light brightly, When anger comes to the forefront, You are there for me and do not judge me when I am angry. When I am sad and isolating, You hold me gently and allow me to cry on your shoulder, When I am triggered, you are there for me Shining brightly and showing me the way out. Your mere pres

PTSD

You are the enemy I fight every single day, You are constantly there, I do my best to keep you at bay, I do not know when you are going to rear your ugly head, I do not know what will happen During the day to cause me to flashbacks and nightmares, I do not know when I will be triggered And get into fight or flight, All I know is that there are times when I am afraid, There are times when I cannot stand noise, There are certain smells, There are times when I cannot stand being

Feeling Unheard

Feeling unheard, Feeling unseen, Feeling disrespected, Was at counseling appointment, Therapist looked at me and told me to Stop writing my poetry and not to talk about being raped. Writing my poetry is the way I get out what I am feeling, I am not good at talking about what happened, I immediately left my body and shutdown, I came home, got my blanket, turned on calming music and started crying. When therapist said that to me, I immediately heard What Ryan said to me, What m

Why

Why? It’s too hard to understand Too hard to comprehend Too hard to deal with Flashbacks, nightmares,betrayal, rage, Replayed over and over again in mind, Do not understand why you would do this, Why the chain of command protects him? Why the chain of command ruined my career? It’s wrong, you knew what you doing was wrong. You knew that I did not consent to have sex With you and you raped me, You took everything that I believed in, Trust, Safety, Honor, Courage, Commitment Br

Invisible

I am a girl that has experienced hatred from men, Have been told that abuse does Not matter since I am a girl and invisible, Have been told that no matter How loud I scream that no one Is going to hear me. That no one cares about what they Did to me, That abuse is fine, That no one cares about what they did to me, Have been forgotten #Invisible #MST #PTSD #listentosurvivors #believesurvivors #speakyourtruth #feeltoheal

Forgiveness

Forgiveness Forgiveness, One of those things I have heard a few times from different people through my life, Many times I got angry, cried and ignored what they were saying to me, Pushed people away from me, I was not in the place to hear about forgiving myself or them for what they did to me, Now, in this moment, I am ready to forgive myself for what happened when I was 11, 19, 23 and 25, I know that the things that I hold on to that keeps me stuck in pain, anger grief, and

Breakthrough

Thought that I could run away from the pain, Darkness followed me and caused even more pain, Another heinous crime committed against me, More betrayal, More victim blaming, shaming, and feeling lost, Lost in feelings that cut me to the core, Lost in feeling like it was my fault, There are flashbacks, nightmares, fear, self-hatred, I am lost deep inside of myself, You came beside me and helped me know that I am safe, You taught me how to trust someone again, You taught me how

Nothing Done

I responded to his email on Navy together we served, Thinking that if I got him to admit to raping me, That they would have to do something about it, He straight up admitted to raping me, He said, “You an ugly woman and I do not know why I even messed with you. Taking a woman is something that I am down with. So you remember how..lol. Called NCIS and asked to speak to special agent, Case was reopened again, None of this mattered to the Special Agent Was told we have to invest

Feeling Alone

Feeling alone, Made mistake of trying to reach out to advocate, Was told that she did not care, I was just needing someone to listen, Someone to be there, I am on deployment, Stuck on a huge ship, Out in the middle of the ocean, Feeling alone, depressed, There is no one to talk to, No one that cares, I need to talk to someone, But I will not talk to a male about What happened to me at technical school. The Chain of command does not care And retaliates against me The trained a

Light in the Darkness

An inspirational poem I wrote after co creating, Service with my friend and mentor Lynda. There have been people put in my life that have been lights in my darkness, They showed me the way back to myself by shining their light in the darkness, They gently guided me onto the healing path when I was lost in deep emotional pain and had no hope, They came beside me to tell me that could borrow there hope until I had my own hope, They told me that I mattered, They cared about me a